Here is my dilemma: My ex-husband has been diagnosed as having being bipolar. I fully supported him when we were together, encouraged him to get therapy, and that I still loved him even if sometimes he wasn’t feeling ok.
But he refuses to take his medication, is violent, both verbally and physically, (well, was, ever since I pressed charges on him of uttering threats and assault, we haven’t had contact except through our lawyer). I have made sure our year old child is never left, for the time being, alone with him because he simply cannot control himself, sadly.
Does anyone have any advice for me? I am understanding of his situation, but he takes his medication for 2 weeks, then stops saying he’s all cured, doesn’t have any problem, and then starts being violent, mean, and making crazy plans, using money in unnecessary ways….
I want my child to have a relationship with his father, but it’s hard!!!!
Yeah… It is kind of hard. I’m trying to do what’s best for my son and everything…
I am still not divorced yet, but the soon to be signed custody agreement does say he have to undergo anger management therapy in order to eventually be able to be alone with our child.
Some people say I’m being unfair, vindictive… I’m just trying to ensure my son doesn’t go through what I have with his father, and I’m trying to be the better person and letting his father be part of his life… had we gone to court (the agreement was reached amicably) , with everything I do have on him, he would had gotten way less then what I offered (when it comes to visitations, etc).
He has been hospitalized for this several times in the past years for this. Yet blamed either me, his dad, or anyone else for his state of mind.
And he is not allowed alone with our son, his visitation rights are really limited, and it has to be supervised by someone else, who has to be in the room at all times.
I’m wondering how, in the next few years, I’ll be able to help my child cope with my EX… it’s not going to be easy! 
poor thing..
This is a touchy situation. Your first priority is to your child. Do NOT allow him to be alone with your child without a second party witnessing his actions. He may not like it, but if he wanted to see the baby, he would have to have supervised visits until he was taking his medication EVERY DAY. Since you have custody of the baby, you can stipulate this with your lawyer about the situation and how you fear for your child’s safety when in his company.
The lawyer can draw up a petition stating what you’ve said and get it verified by the judge.
If he refused to be supervised by a third party, then the visitation would be revoked until he could prove he has been on his medication for his condition.
I sympathize with you big time b/c bipolar is a condition that is so volatile that there is no telling when the person will be blindsided by an attack or fit of rage and the baby doesn’t need to be around him when it happens.
Just make sure you make the baby a priority on this one. Even if your soon-to-be ex isn’t a part of the baby’s life b/c of his selfish behavior in not taking his medication, it will be his fault for not having a relationship.
12 Responses to “Anyone delt with bipolar spouse, or ex, that refuses medication?”
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Good question
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thats how my dad was for years(im 14) its so hard. i understand how you want your child to have a good relationship with him, because i know how horrible it is to deal with that issue.
all i can say is pray and hope for things to get better. i did, and after a while things just started getting better and better.
your in my prayers:)
good luck.
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That is hard. I’ve dealt with my husband being similar (not quite as mean or abusive) but it was really something he is going to have to do on his own. Just keep things as they are and try to express to him the necessity for him to continue his meds and therapy for you to trust him around your child.
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1. don’t worry about your child having a relationship with his father. that should be last of your worries.
2. i applaud you for supporting him and trying. but no matter what you do, you can’t help someone who may be in denial or someone that can’t help themselves.
there’s no cure for bipolar disorder.
the symptoms can be subsided with hard work, medication, therapy, etc.. unfortunately, feeling ‘cured’ is part of the illness.
your ex husband is far far far away from being anywhere near ‘getting better’ and ‘under control’.
you and your child must stay far far far away from him, as long as he’s the way he is.
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My hubby has to deal with all of my emotions. I am not on medication, but I have been diagnosed with a few disorders. It helps when you have someone who understands you, but he has to understand himself too. My husband is great support to me. I have times where I can’t deal with my kids, or I spend the light bill money, but he is always there to remind me what I am here for. Show him support and let him know that 2 weeks of meds is not in anyway going to "cure" him. It is not curable. You can help it and learn to control yourself better with or without meds, but it’s a lot harder without them.
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Your child should not be around him unsupervised.
Bi -polar individuals are notorius for being non -compliant to treatment options.
Tell him that unlees he gets help and takes his meds, he will not be allowed to see his child alone.
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My cousin was bipolar. He was just like that. He would get in a rage and wouldn’t take meds and he then turned to drugs. One day it just stopped. We aren’t exactly sure what was said between him and his wife but, from what she has told me she told him to just leave her and his son alone and he went crazy. Felt like no one was there for him like he was lonely. He went to his mother’s house got his step dads gun and shot him self in the head. It was horrible. I would suggest trying to be there for him. Through the good and bad he really needs someone. I’m not sure what went wrong but, don’t let him do the same as my cousin did. If he doesn’t take his meds it will get worse. He won’t see it but, you will. Find out what you can do locally. I know in GA you can get 2 family members and call the police and they will evaluate him for 24 to 72 hours if you say you are scared he is going to harm himself or someone else. That’s all you have to do here. Find out what you can do there. Good luck with this and god bless!
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Some times the best solution isn’t the one you want to do. An unstable father could do more damage to your child then an absent one. I have 3 kids by my x husband who was diagnosed with that disorder. It was hell trying to make it work and trying to be there for him. It completely broke me. He too was on then off again his meds. He went to illegal drug used for a few years after I left him. The more I let him be involved with the kids (when he even wanted too) the worse my oldest son behave. He has had a very negative effect on my now 9 year old. He has had to be in counseling and everything else. The longer he has nothing to do with his father the better and happier he is. These people that have these disorders have, as I am sure you know, a very distorted idea of reality. They push these thoughts and ideas onto their children. I wouldn’t ever let him see your child with out it being monitored.
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Do not leave your child alone with him….understanding he is the father however he as problems….you love your child to much to leave him in harm way….let him get help first….good luck
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perhaps,he feels irritated to you.
under this circumstances,it is better to take policy – watch and see.
might be, he will miss you and your child in a latter stage
wish you a good luck.
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Has he ever been hospitalized for his condition? I don’t know about the laws in your state, but you might consider having him hospitalized during one of his manic episodes. I know that sounds harsh, but it might be the wake up call he needs. At any rate, he needs to be in the care of a psychiatrist who can convince him that he needs to be on his meds in order to function. It sounds like you have shown him that you do not trust him when he gets manic by not allowing him to have time alone with your child. Perhaps time with his child might be motivation enough to get better.
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I’ve suffered from depression for over 5 years (currently under control by meds) and like to read about mental health issues.
This is a touchy situation. Your first priority is to your child. Do NOT allow him to be alone with your child without a second party witnessing his actions. He may not like it, but if he wanted to see the baby, he would have to have supervised visits until he was taking his medication EVERY DAY. Since you have custody of the baby, you can stipulate this with your lawyer about the situation and how you fear for your child’s safety when in his company.
The lawyer can draw up a petition stating what you’ve said and get it verified by the judge.
If he refused to be supervised by a third party, then the visitation would be revoked until he could prove he has been on his medication for his condition.
I sympathize with you big time b/c bipolar is a condition that is so volatile that there is no telling when the person will be blindsided by an attack or fit of rage and the baby doesn’t need to be around him when it happens.
Just make sure you make the baby a priority on this one. Even if your soon-to-be ex isn’t a part of the baby’s life b/c of his selfish behavior in not taking his medication, it will be his fault for not having a relationship.
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